In this session we continue to learn about Leadership and Self-Deception. This week is a very informative topic on collusion.
Sometimes in our society the term collusion comes up, and it typically refers to a secret agreement or cooperation between two or more parties, often to deceive or gain an unfair advantage over others.
Today we are going to learn about collusion as it relates to each of us; emotional collusion. Where it is much different, because it happens internally with each of us.
Emotional collusion typically involves individuals engaging in unhealthy interactions where they enable or reinforce each other’s negative behaviors, often unknowingly. This can lead to a cycle of escalating emotions and reactions, where individuals may behave in ways that are inconsistent with their true selves or values.
- enabling and reinforcing negative behaviors
- unknowingly doing so
- results in individuals behaving inconsistent with their true selves or values
This is a very subtle and toxic situation that many are unaware of. They probably more aware of post-collusion acknowledgements.
- That person just gets under my skin
- Next time I am not going to let them do that to me
- I don’t act myself around them
Read chapter 14
Can you relate to a time when you feel into emotional collusion?
When Kate was describing the challenges we face with being in the box she explained the destructive cycle we can get caught in….
Whenever we are in the box, we have a need that is met by others’ poor behavior. And so our boxes encourage more poor behavior in others, even if that behavior makes our lives more difficult.
Do you have situations where you catch yourself in collusion and caught in an unhealthy cycle?
Then in Romans 7, Paul talks about times when he does what he does not want to do and does not do what he desires to do. Bud explained about being in the box in this way…
When I am in the box, I provoke in others the very behavior I say I hate in them. And they then provoke in me the very behavior they say they hate in me.
Can you think of a time(s) when you knowingly walked about in the box and just ready for someone to attack you, and you were ready to defend your self-justifying behavior?
Biblical Example
In 1 Kings chapter 21. In this example King Ahab desired Naboth’s vineyard, but Naboth refused to sell it to him because it was inherited land. Ahab became upset and sullen, and his wife Queen Jezebel devised a scheme to have Naboth falsely accused and executed so that Ahab could take possession of the vineyard.
In this scenario, Ahab and Jezebel colluded emotionally as Ahab’s desire for the vineyard led to his emotional distress, which Jezebel exploited to manipulate him into committing wrongdoing. Their collusion resulted in the unjust death of Naboth and the acquisition of his property.
The chapter explains that Naboth was a neighbor of Ahab; Ahab admired Naboth’s vineyard and wanted to buy for a garden of his own. He was willing to give Naboth a better vineyard or pay him for his vineyard.
When Naboth explained that is was an inheritance and more sentimental, Ahab was emotionally upset because he did not get what he wanted. (Remember the 10th commandment was to not covent any of your neighbor).
Let’s pick up in 1 Kings 21:4-25
In the beginning, can you see where Ahab treated Naboth as a person, and heard his answer and was distraught? Can you also see where Ahab colluded with his wife and treated Naboth as an object?
Can you see where collusion can influence someone to live and act like someone they are not?
Even in the end, before Elijah arrives, do you think Ahab really felt at peace and blessed when he took possession of the vineyard. Do you think in his mind that he was grateful?
Greed brings grief to the whole family… Proverbs 15:27
We can see where the violation of the 10th commandment overwhelmed Ahab, where he allowed his wife to do unjust actions in his name (which exhibited collusion) which resulted in Ahab deceiving himself by being someone he wasn’t and treated Naboth, not as a person, but as an object for his own sinful ways. Resulting in generational consequences. Collusion can be like an emotional cancer that is damaging beyond control and belief. Leaving one devastated because of their self-decption.