This week we completed chapter 17 of Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley. Which gave us a very interesting and personal challenge to address and combat the jealousy that we uncovered last week. If you have a urge to just skip this week because you don’t think you have a jealousy issue or concern, it is recommended that you go check out “How come?” from last week. Then come back and pick up here.

it is strange how we can acknowledge and talk about the enemies of our heart, Guilt, Anger & Greed, but Jealousy has a twisted personal feeling to it There always seems to be a quick ending to the notion of jealousy.  If we just move on from those challenges, it is easier to not talk about it, then we won’t feel it. We use the human response of denial to just discredit it and avoid it.

For starters this week: recall and share some the jealousy that surfaces in your own life from time to time.

For many of us, the thoughts and challenges are periodical. They don’t happen all the time, but when triggered, it is full on. Almost like that bad knee or back that seems alright until that one twist, bend or stretch.  That is because we seemed to operating just fine until we were triggered.

Jealousy is dangerous. It is dangerous because it shapes our attitude toward other people.  It is hard to actively love someone you’re jealous of. It is hard to serve (or submit) to someone who’s a constant reminder of what you’re not.

Have you ever had to serve or work for someone that just irrated you and you were constantly thinking you could do their job better than they are?  How is/was it like during those moments of direct communication?  What have you done in response to such situations, if at all?

The danger of jealousy is that without much effort on our part, jealousy can harvest resentment. But resentment needs justification, s we go looking until we find it. Once we find it, we feel like we are safe, that we don’t have to deal with our feelings because we know they are justified.

It seems simple to side-step or discredit the jealousy in our lives, but want about resentment.

Who or what category of people do you secretly resent?

Now when we look deeper we’ll discover that our resentment, with all the shallow justifications, is really a cover for jealousy. When thinking of the categories of people that cause resentment, there might have just been a specific person or an event that has lodged deep in our heart and it continues to impact us to this day.

Connecting the Dots

When we focus on the people or group that we have resentment against, we actually fan the flame of jealousy; focusing on our own hearts begins the process of quenching it.

Once we isolate the problem, the rest is simple. Not easy, but simple. Gather up your thoughts and emotions and take them to the only one that can do anything about them. That is your less-than-desirable car, you embarrassing position on a team, you home, your body, your family and place them before God and admit to him your feelings. The real ones, the ones wedged in the corner of your heart.

God, you really could have done better than this. Go ahead and tell him how unhappy you’ve been with the way he’s made you and treated you. Or maybe that is too harsh, how about how he has let things happen in your life. He can handle it and the fact is, he could have done everything you dreamed of, but he didn’t.

How does that feel? What emotions does that stir when you face that situation of describing your pile of life to God?

Basically, we build a defense to confront God and tell him “you owe me”. Now, that is a situation that we just would prefer to avoid. So how do we avoid those situations? We ignore our bitterness and jealousy and go on our way, but in all truthfulness. It does not go away, we are just in denial. If we find it a bit daunting to look God into the eye and accuse him of owing us something, we are on the verge of a break-through. If we really do think he has mistreated us and, in fact, owes us something, we only need to look to one place. The New Testament and Jesus.  The truth is we owed God a debt we couldn’t pay, so he paid it, thereby erasing forever the possibility of his owning us anything, ever.

In the shadow of the cross, it’s clear: God doesn’t owe us anything. We owe him everything, including an apology.

Go to the source

At the heart of jealousy is the lie that God owes us.  Ridding ourselves of jealousy requires that we face up to and expel this dangerous notion. God’s unconditional acceptance and grace is the very reason we can bring all our mess to him.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. – Hebrews 4:15 NIV

See, it is simple, but it does not seem easy, does it? But it is so beneficial. Why can we say that? Because of the preceding verse.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin. – Hebrews 4:14 NIV

We can come to his throne unapologetically, boldly, honestly and lay our burden down at the feet of the only one who can do anything about it.

Practically speaking

So getting our heart and emotions purified is a big process. Once we get the clear and clean relationship with God, we need to work on the challenges this world present us that we can deal with to combat this jealous tendency.  When the situations arise that we described, we need to go out of our way to verbally express our congratulations over their accomplishments. Sometimes this might be difficult because we don’t always see the things they have achieved to get what they got or the position they are in. But we can congratulate them on “receiving” what they have.

We know that if we just continue to push this box to the side or throw a blanket over it, it will not go away. Also we have to acknowledge that the potential for professional jealousy is racheted up a notch in any situation that involves numbers and performance.

What are some situations where you can feel a competition with others? Has this or does this create an atmosphere that is dangerous to your heart?

Expressing the truth helps to free us from the emotional bondage that’s such an integral part of jealousy. When we take on the initiative to celebrate what others have with them we are actually protecting our heart. We should not wait until we feel like celebrating. But celebrate until we feel like it. We need to rid our heart of the destructive forces of jealousy and refuse to be taken prisoner by emotions that odn’t reflect reality.

Create a new habit

Isn’t it time that we develop a new, healthy habit? Isn’t it time we refused to give in to the negative emotions that well up in us when others succeed? Instead of saying nothing or being critical, what if we made it a habit of our life to publicly celebrate the success of others? And when a person’s success has the potential to reflect negatively on us, we need to celebrate even harder!

Moving forward

When we reconvene on 21st, we will be concluding the series on Enemies of the heart with some great insights from part 4 of the book. Please go ahead and read chapters 19 and 20. Especially 20. If you can’t personally benefit from it, you will be well equipped to help others in your life.