This week we look at how boundaries can help resolve many work-related problems, as well as how they can help us to be happier and more fulfilled at the work we do. The fact is that we do get some of our identity from what we do. We are labeled by what we do, or the roles we take. We can be a manager, a counselor, a cashier, a student, a servant, and the list of possibilities is endless. With this impactful situation, it is vital that we have healthy boundaries to understand how to have appropriate definitions and established identity.
Work is part of life and that is not a sin. We might allow sin to exist or even reign in our jobs and that then becomes miserable.
This chapter is title “Work Boundaries” but let us not limit our thoughts to paying jobs. Many of us volunteer and serve in multitudes of ways and much of this chapter provides great guidance and foundations for a healthy servant situation. As you may volunteer and serve, take this practices and implement them for you and those around you.
Not being responsible for our stuff and thinking we are responsible for other stuff makes life difficult, and that includes in the work place. Going all the way back to Genesis, the concept of “disownership” is revealed. We have all been caught in the situation where something did not go as one would expect and the eyes turn to us. A too-common action in the world today is the immediate transference of responsibility to someone else. We blame someone else. We unconsciously point out the faults in our boundaries and begin to point out the results of bad boundaries and many times do not even address the boundary or make necessary adjustments.
1. Getting other’s responsibilities
This is probably more and more common as we get older. We end up being the veteran on the job, the one that has been around the longest and others tend to want to shuffle things our way. As if being on the job longer meant we do more.
Not having defined boundaries and getting unnecessary work from co-workers can cause resentment, which is a feeling that we need to take responsibility for. Many times we can catch ourselves getting angry in situations and mad at other people, but we must remember that our unhappiness is not our coworker’s fault, but our own.
When we take care of our self first by setting reasonable expectations, then when others pile on their expectations, we can see how it aligns and have discussions about the differences. Many times the other person may be disappointed and sometimes angry. Do not respond to their anger with your anger.
Do not fall into the trap of justifying why you can’t do their work. We will be slipping into their thinking that we should do their work if we can, and will try to find a way that we can. Remember: just because we can, does not mean we should.
2. Working too much overtime
Sometimes we feel comfortable in the identity that a job can bring, and just like an addict, we can desire more good feelings. Even to the point where we get consumed with work. We hide in our work and we escape from the other parts of our life. There are other times when we feel pressured to get all the work done that is given to us or we might be a bad person, or we might even lose our job. Some helpful actions were given:
- Set boundaries by defining how many hours are reasonable to work
- Review your job description frequently
- Prioritize work and set goals
- Discuss demands and abilities with boss
Remember that job overload is our responsibility and our problem. If our job is driving us crazy, we need to do something about it. We need to own the problem, Stop being a victim of an abusive situation and start setting some limits. Some times in our victim mentality, we are our own worst enemy. We may even be telling the enemy how to invade and conquer us.
3. Misplaced priorities
Know what you can do and what you cannot do. Know when you can do something and when you can’t. Then confidently identify what you cannot do. Say no to the things you cannot do. We must learn to set limits and enforce them. What purpose is having a limit if it is not enforced? Effective workers do two things: they strive to de excellent work, and they spend their time on the most important things.
When we don’t set limits we can get overwhelmed and then feel unappreciated and resentful. We need to learn how to say no to the unimportant, and no to the inclination to so less than our best. If we are doing our best on the most important things, we will reach our goals.
We need to learn the concept of time. If we believe we have endless time, we may say yes to everything. Say yes to the best, and sometimes you may need to say no to the good.
4. Difficult coworkers
Inevitably, we have had them, and most likely we have been one of them. Regardless of which side we might find our self on, we only have the ability to change ourselves; we cannot change others. When we have difficult times with coworkers we need to see ourselves as the problem, not the other person. Even if they did inappropriate actions, we have let down our guard and allowed it to impact us. To see another person as the problem to be fixed is to give that person power over ous and our well-being. Because we cannot change another person, we are out of control. The real problem lies in how we ae relating to the problem person. We are the one in pain and only we have the poer to fix it.
We need to own our actions to people, not the actions they have done to us.
5. Critical attitudes
Stress is often caused by workign with or for someone who is super critical. We will either get caught in the trap of either tryign to win over the person or by allowing person to provoke us to anger. We need to avoid trying to change the person or gain the approval of a super critical person. This is a form of boundary destruction.
6. Conflicts with Authority
Whether it is in work or in volunteer/servant positions, we can see on the horizon that struggles with authority has to do with past hurts, habits and hang-ups. There are many individuals today that treat their interactions with those in authoritative positions based on their experiences in life. Problems with authority as a child that is not addressed will develop problems with authority in adulthood. Many of our struggles today with authority should spark some interest in personal inventory. What is causing the unhealthy situation. Is it authority in the past? Or is it unreasonable expectations?
Whenever we experience strong feelings about authority, see them as part of our responsibility. This will lead us to any unfinished business and healing, as well as keep us from acting irrationally toward coworkers and bosses.
Have you ever thought before that God may just allow a work situation to arise to point out some unfinished business in your life?
7. Expectations
Having a job description or instruction manual is very beneficial, but there is a bigger canopy over the whole scene, and that is the expectations one brings to the workplace that does not have anything to do with the direct job. It has to do with a void in people’s lives, our own included. We have voids in our life and many times we turn to a job or work environment to fulfill those needs. Many times people look to coworkers to fill a void in their family life. They may look to the job as a means of family. They don’t fit in at home, maybe they can be accepted and fit in at work.
One’s expectations of the situation need to realistic. This is very common in volunteer and servant jobs. They come with the idea to serve, but they bring a lot more demand than they offer. As wise, healthy people, we need to have clear boundaries as good employees and servants. Remember the 3, 12, 70 and multitude vision. Just because someone is a co-worker does not mean they automatically become your best friend or you owe them anymore than being a good worker/servant/team member.
8. Taking Work-related Stress Home
We must remember our boundaries and remember to keep work things at work. We may experience personal things at work and get a lot of action items to attend to with who we are (aligning boundaries, adjusting and such) but we are not to let the concept of our job consume who we are. Remember we do get some identity in our occupation, but that should not be our only identity. In reality we are also son, friend, father, brother etc. If we neglect those other identities, we don’t lose them, they just are deficient.
9. Disliking your Job
God wants us to discover and use our gifts for His glory, He asks only tht we include him in the process. We must remember not to compartmentalize God in our lives. We need to allow Him to come along side while we are at work, otherwise, we are operating in the darkness and trying to generate light on our own.
God also calls us to be accountable for what we do:
Follow the ways of your heartand whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. Eccl. 11:9 NIV
As we continue to develop our talents, let us look at our partnership with God. He has given us gifts and He wants us to develop them. We need to commit our way to the Lord, and we will find our work identity, ask Him for help.