As we continue in the topic of “Leadership and Self-Deception”, we pickup from last week where we began with story of a businessman new to his job and having a meeting with his new boss after a month of employment.

We were introduced to the definition of “self-deception” and were given a few challenging examples.

Can you share your personal thoughts and experiences of deception?
How about how you may have been self-deceiving…

During this session we will review how a person can be passionate, diligent and committed to solving a problem (doing their job well) yet uncover that the main problem might be themselves.

Read/Review Chapter 4 “The Problem beneath Other Problems”

In one way or another, we can probably relate to Bud’s story about getting that big assignment, and wanting to do well. How he approached it, did the best he thought, give the time. He knew he had completed all of the assignments, but he knew he did the best he could and would just go to the meeting and explain the situation. (probably like many times before in his career in similar situations)

Bud explains how he went into the meeting confident of work, but how his boss and colleagues were like on a different level. He was the only one that did not complete all the assignments.

Can you relate to a situation where you gave it your all, felt unashamed, only to discover you did not measure up?  How was it presented to you and what was your feelings and actons?

Bud described how his boss at the time, Lou, had come to him directly and encouraged, but also asked that challenging question. “you won’t ever let us down again, will you?”. That is a difficult situation, when we really did not think that not having enough time to finish a task was really considered “letting them down”.

I know in my life when these situations break open I can have numerous and sometimes combinations…

• defensive (because I know I did a good job on what I did complete)
• defensive (question whether I had more or harder assignments than others)
• questionable (was this just a test to see how I would face failure)s
• questionable (did I really want to work for a company that treats people like this)

What are some of the feelings, emotions or thoughts that you may have had in this illustration, or maybe in a real-life situation of your own?

The storyline shifts and it begins revealing a concept and reality that is easily overlooked. Relationships. We tend to take challenges and criticism differently based on the relationship with have with the other person.

Many times as pointed out we begin to invest in how others think of us, Rather than what they are saying. As men we typically don’t want anyone to dislike us or look down upon us, and that controls how we respond and interact.  Can you ponder your latest conversations. “were you interested in them, or their opinion you”?

Bud goes on to explain that relationships at home are not exempt to these challenges. He explained about a situation where his wife got upset, and he thought it was a bit out of proportion. He decided to take the high rode, say he was sorry and try to move on. He explains after that failed attempt he walked away with more feelings of separation, resentment and judgmental tendencies towards his wife. Not to mention all the condemnation swirling in his head.

He concluded chapter 5 with the thought that “people skills are not primary”. People skills can be used for good sometimes and other times those same skills create a catastrophe.

What are some experiences where you have tried to do things “just right”, yet the result was far from desired?

In the topic of this session was that notion that many times a person’s words and/or actions are more driven by what they think the other’s opinion is of them, rather than the other person.

Do you think this may have been a challenge for the first disciples called out of their professions to follow Jesus?  If we grasp the idea that they were hyper-sensitive to their perception of His thoughts about them, do you think Jesus knew that? Can you recall any examples where Jesus heard what they said, but saw the lack of commitment or integrity?

Challenges for this week

Focus on your thoughts and actions this week. Capture moments where you caught yourself just going through the motions (even if they are good), yet internally you actually generated more emotions, pain and thoughts than intended.

Go ahead and read the next two chapters to uncover what the underlying struggle is.