We continue our series with Bob Goff in the study of Love in Chaos. In this series we review session three, “Kind Words”
SESSION GOALS
Every session has a point—what each participant should walk away from the discussion knowing, feeling, and doing.
- Main Idea: Our words have the power to tear others down or build them up, so we should use kind words in every interaction.
- Head Change: To know that harsh words cost us credibility with others.
- Heart Change: To feel love for the people we encounter every day.
- Life Change: To express our love for others with words of affirmation and kindness.
OPEN
What are some of the most memorable words someone has ever said to or about you? Why are they so memorable?
The words we use matter. They have the power to build up or tear down, to heal or to wound, to bless or to curse. They can either lend credibility to our faith and witness or they can ruin it. In this session, Bob will remind us how important it is for us to use words of kindness every time we speak with others.
VIEW
Watch Session 3: Kind Words (10 minutes).
REVIEW
This session is all about the importance of our words and the way we use them. Our speech leaves a lasting impact on others. What amount of harm can be done with careless or unkind words? Have you ever been the recipient of careless or unkind words? What was that experience like?
Bob talked about the connection between the words we use and what’s in our hearts. Our words spring out of our hearts and reveal what we think, love, and believe. In a way, we never misspeak—our words always reveal who we are. In what ways do our words provide a glimpse into what’s in our hearts? When you consider the words you use, what story do they say about your heart?
Bob said he started charging himself five hundred dollars per word for every unkind thing he said. While we might not be able to afford that steep price, Bob’s method can still be instructive for us. What “penalties” could you put in place to keep yourself from using unkind words with others? Who could you recruit to hold you accountable?
Many times, our unkind words are responses to what others have said to us. Instead of responding harshly, Bob encouraged us to be gracious, patient, and kind. What does it look like to give others the benefit of the doubt in conversations? How might your relationships change if you resolved to respond to unkind words graciously?
Our words directly affect our Christian witness, both positively and negatively. When we use harsh or unkind words, we inaccurately portray what Christ is like. When you think about the way Jesus spoke with others, what words come to mind? What can you do to better follow the example of Jesus?
Bob said following Jesus “means a life of being constantly misunderstood.” In what ways are followers of Jesus often misunderstood? For what reasons?
Being misunderstood, of course, is rarely pleasant, and it’s not something we’re to seek out. But Bob argued that it’s something we should get comfortable with because we, like Jesus, will often be misunderstood due to our faith. What will it take for you to grow more comfortable with being misunderstood? What can you do to respond with love and kindness when you are misunderstood?
One of the most effective ways to keep ourselves from using unkind words is simply to pause and refrain from saying anything at all. Do you find it difficult to exercise restraint during a conversation? Why, or why not? What can we do to slow down and think before we speak?
Words are powerful; they can be used for good or for bad, and their impact can last for years. To make this point, Bob talked about his baseball coach and the positive impact his words had on Bob’s life. Do you have anyone in your life who’s spoken affirming words over you? In what ways did their words affect your life? What would it take for you to use affirming words like that in someone else’s life?
What could change if you sought to speak affirming words to everyone you meet?
Bob encouraged us to affirm others as often as possible because “people will become who we tell them they are.” Affirming words have the power to transform people. Who in your life needs affirming words spoken over them? How can you use your words in that person’s life to bless them?
LAST WORD
Words are powerful. A harsh word spoken can leave its mark on someone for a lifetime. And the same is true of a kind and timely word—it can influence us for the rest of our lives.
The Scriptures repeatedly command us to speak words that are kind, gracious, affirming, and true. Let’s take Bob’s encouragement seriously: “See who people are becoming and speak that over them. Speak words of affirmation.” When we do so, not only will we be more like Jesus, but “more people will find Jesus in our words.”