When you think about the way our culture portrays love, would you describe its portrayal as “manly”? Why or why not?
In what ways does our culture’s view of love discourage men from expressing affection toward one another? In what ways does it encourage it?
Love is a confusing topic in our culture, as we’ll see in today’s session. In many ways, men feel uncomfortable with the idea of showing affection toward others because that is a “girly” thing to do. Certainly, there’s a degree to which our culture has contributed to that discomfort, but it also comes from a misunderstanding about the biblical idea of love. Far more than a feeling, love is an action required of all who claim the name of Jesus Christ.
As we begin our final session together, we are going to look at one last piece that is essential to any man who claims to follow Christ. In 1 Corinthians 16:14, the Apostle Paul commands his readers, “Let all that you do be done in love.”
Like Joby said in the session, our culture uses the term “love” in a haphazard manner. We love many different things, which robs the word of its meaning a lot of times.
What are some examples of things our culture loves? How does using the term in such a widespread manner remove its significance?
When you think about the Bible’s portrayal of love, how would you define it? In other words, what is “love” to you?
Against all odds, Rick miraculously reunited with his son in Times Square while searching for him in New York City. How did the story of Mike and Rick demonstrate a biblical portrayal of love?
Mike described how seeing his father after having run away showed him how much his dad cared for him, which also gave him a picture of the Father’s love. Reflecting on the story, Rick said that all he wanted to be able to do was tell his son, “It’s okay, just come home.” In what ways does that statement describe your experience with God’s love? How has the Father tangibly welcomed you home by His love?
Describe a time when someone demonstrated forgiveness to you. What kind of impact did their forgiveness have on you? In what ways did it display God’s love through them?
According to Scripture, love is not simply an attribute. Rather, God is love (1 John 4:8). In order for us to truly love then, we must first have a personal relationship with God in which we experience Him as such.
During the session, Joby defined love as “Your joy in the Lord expressed toward others at great expense to yourself.” What are some ways that Jesus modeled that definition of love?
What are some ways in which you have modeled that definition of love?
As Joby explained throughout the session, 1 Corinthians 13 defines a number of different characteristics of love. During his explanation of the list, which of the characteristics stood out to you the most? What made it distinct?
Joby encouraged us to ask the question, “How are you doing?” When it comes to a biblical understanding of love, how are you doing? Where do you need to grow?
Who do you struggle to love? What makes that relationship such a challenge?
Thomas’s story reflects the feelings of many men today. He shared that his father rarely showed him affection or attention because that was a “girly” way for a man to act. As a result, Thomas grew up hardened toward emotion and misled in terms of his understanding of what true love looks like.
What were some of the ways Thomas’s misunderstanding of love affected his behavior toward others? (It made him arrogant, selfish, and cocky. He experienced multiple failed marriages and struggled in relationships with his family and friends.)
How did Thomas define love in terms of being a man? How does it relate to Joby’s definition? (He said that being a man requires loving others at your own expense.)
Love gives, it does not demand selfishly. It’s important note how Thomas described the change in his life. While his father’s lack of affection influenced him in a negative way, it also had a positive impact by instilling Thomas with a committed work ethic. There is nothing wrong with working hard. The problem for Thomas was that his commitment to work bullied the people around him rather than caring for them the way he should have.
How did Thomas begin the process of change? (Ultimately, it began with the love of Christ, which was displayed to him through a believing coworker who invited him to church.)
What changed about his life as a result of experiencing the love of Christ? (He continues to work hard, but he cares about people in the process now, something he never did before.)
To brush off love as a “girly” attribute is to misunderstand the very core of the gospel of Jesus Christ. As believers, we are called to demonstrate love in all that we do because it reflects the God who has saved us by His grace. However, that does not mean it is an easy charge to follow. So let’s take a closer look at what Scripture says about love.
When it comes to the topic of love, 1 Corinthians 13 is one of the more popular destinations in the Bible. Some affectionately refer to it as the “Love Chapter.” But its popularity should not distract us from its significance. The Apostle Paul offers one of the most descriptive looks at what love ought to look like in the life of a Christian.
Take a minute to scan 1 Corinthians 12. What subject is Paul focused on in that chapter? (Spiritual gifts, specifically how differing gifts ought to promote unity within the body of Christ)
How does Paul conclude 1 Corinthians 12 in verse 31? (By stating that while Christians should desire spiritual gifts, there is a “more excellent way”)
Someone read 1 Corinthians 13:1–3.
What is the “more excellent way”?
How would you summarize Paul’s point in these verses? (Love is more important than any spiritual gift, power, or sacrifice.)
Someone read verses 4–7.
What are the nine characteristics of love listed by Paul in these verses?
- Love is patient
- Love is kind
- Love does not envy or boast
- Love is not arrogant or rude
- Love does not insist on its own way
- Love is not irritable or resentful
- Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing
- Love rejoices with the truth
- Love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things
As you reflect on this list, how well does it describe you? How do you think those close to you would answer the same question about you?
Even the best of us look at a list like that and find ourselves coming up short. None of us loves perfectly. We are all a work in progess and by God’s grace, He will finish the work He has begun in us. Until then, we have a responsibility to grow. So let’s take a closer look at these attributes to better understand how they apply to our lives.
As Joby mentioned in the session, the first two attributes—patience and kindness—describe a passive and active reaction respectively. How did Joby define “patience”? (It is a passive reaction of love in tough circumstances.)
How did he define “kindness”? (It is an active reaction of love toward those who require patience.)
Rather than acting out of anger or aggression, patience is a response of love by bearing with a person or circumstance. And kindness is an action that demonstrates love actively to those who test our patience, perhaps those who do not even deserve it. These alone are challenging attributes, but necessary for a life of love.
Who or what are you currently facing that requires your patience? How well are you doing in that regard? Where could you grow in patience?
What would it look like to actively extend kindness in that situation? Who could you practically demonstrate that to instead of reacting with anger or aggression?
The next five attributes are negative statements, meaning they describe what love is not. In the second half of verse 4, Paul writes that love neither envies nor boasts. As Joby said in the session, we experience envy when we lack contentment with who God has created us to be and what He has given us to have.
How does envy fail to provide an accurate picture of God’s love to those around us? (It reveals that we care more about what we think we lack than what God has provided us with in His sovereign care.)
How have you dealt with envy in your life? How have you responded to the presence of envy in your heart?
In light of your past experiences, what should change about your response so that it reflects the “more excellent” way of love?
Boasting is what happens when we make everything about “me.” How important do you consider yourself in relation to those around you? How often do you think of others?
What are some practical ways you could consider others—family members, neighbors, coworkers—as more important than yourself this week?
The end of verse 4 and beginning of verse 5 describe attributes that result from a heart hardened by envy and boasting—arrogance and rudeness. How did Joby define “arrogance”? (It is thinking that you are better than someone else.)
How did he define “rudeness”? (It is the way you treat someone when you think you are better than them.)
Would you say that arrogance or rudeness characterize your behavior toward others in any way? Would those close to you agree with your answer?
The rest of the verse lists closely related attributes by describing love as something that does not insist on its own way and is neither irritable nor resentful. How do you respond when things don’t go according to your plans?
What about when someone acts in a way that frustrates you? Do you find it easier to forgive or grow resentful toward them?
As you think about your life today, where do you need to surrender your “own way”?
Like we have seen in previous sessions, the peace of Christ ought to follow us wherever we go. We serve Him and His desires for those around us, not our own desires. As Paul nears the end of his list, he writes that instead of rejoicing at wrongdoing, love rejoices with the truth.
What would you say you rejoice in the most? What are some practical ways you could grow to better rejoice in the truth?
What would it look like to rejoice in the truth in the context of your family? Friends? Neighborhood? Workplace? How can you display your love for God’s truth in a way that displays love to those around you?
Finally, Paul describes the all-encompassing reality of love. According to verse 7, it bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things, but not because of our own abilities. Rather, as we have already seen, we love because God is love and He first loved us through His Son, Jesus Christ.
Becoming a man requires giving up “childish ways” (v. 11). When we do not love the way God has called us to love, we fail to act like the man He created us to be. As we close, someone read Romans 5:8.
How does this verse describe the way God shows His love to us?
LAST WORD
There are few truths about God more staggering than this—God extended His love to us through Christ while we were still sinners. He did not demand that we clean up our act or get our lives together. Instead, He moved toward us in love and that love changes everything. To be a godly man requires loving others the way God has loved us in Christ and the only way we can do that is by rooting ourselves in the love of God.
Love is far more than the mushy feelings portrayed by Hollywood. It is an act of the will that requires a great amount of sacrifice. God sacrificed His Son to display His love for us and He calls us to love others by giving up ourselves in service to them. Think about where He has placed you today—your family, friendships, neighborhood, workplace, and so on. Be diligent to identify those “childish ways” that remain and surrender them to the Lord. He is kind, gracious, and willing to mold you into the man He has called you to be.
LIVE IT OUT
Pray: Ask the Lord to give you the eyes to see the areas of your life that embrace self-serving love and resolve to take steps of obedience to surrender those to Him.
Serve: Just as God loved you while you were still a sinner, look for a way to serve someone this week who is undeserving of your love, as a way of demonstrating the love God has shown to you.
Memorize: Commit to memory 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 and ask God to make your life one that reflects the kind of love described in that passage.
Speak: Consider those people in your life that need to hear a word of affection from you. Sometime this week, make an intentional effort to tell one of those people your love for them.
Write: If you prefer writing, instead of telling one of those people your love for them, take the time to write a letter that communicates your affection for him or her.