There have been several occasions when discussions circle around the challenges of a relationship with God. The concept always seems elusive and kind of distant. Like it is clear that it is needed, that there is a inner desire but it is not straight forward or easy.

Many have that desire, but there is some sort of barrier or limitation. The opportunity is there, but the enjoyment and actual delight are aloof. Like walking in an amusement park with short lines, but not being delighted or drawn to go on any lines.

Many individuals are tormented and plagued by the behavior of their parents and they cannot seem to have a relationship with a spiritual Father, with reflection of their parents behavior, attitudes and life style. If not restrained by their parents, maybe neglected, maybe punished, maybe mental and emotional pressure and expectations. There is this tainted relationship with God based on past experiences with our parents and family.

Here is a captured dialog of an individual…

“I have a question about fear — specifically, my fear of becoming close with God in the Bible and through prayer. I find myself longing to be connected with God but constantly feeling repelled away from him too. I don’t get the familial feelings that I should have. I suspect it could be because my relationship with my parents is bad. My mother has been abusive in the past. And I never knew my father until recently. He is unstable. My family is a real mess. How do you think family dysfunctions affect our relationship to God?”

Can you relate to challenges of a relationship with God tainted by your thoughts and experiences of family?  Do you think family dysfunction impacts or limits our relationship with God?

Many people know from the Bible that God is his Father and that he is God’s son, and yet as they attempt to draw near to God, but it does not just come together so easy. It probably doesn’t feel warm or welcoming or hopeful or safe, and they wonders whether such a paradox of being drawn to God and repelled by God might be owing to their earthly family situation.  We will discuss a few of the challenges and Biblical truths.

Guilt of our Parents

Get really clear in your mind and heart that the guilt of ungodly parents does not attach to godly children. Ezekiel 18:20: “The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father.”

We need to make sure when we read Deuteronomy 5:9, we can understand it.

“I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me.”

What that means is that wherever the guilty sins of the fathers persist in the guilty sins of the sons, there will be a divine judgment. The key phrase is “those who hate me.” Where the evil of the fathers finds an echo in the hatred of the sons, judgment will come.

The wonderful truth is that a mother’s and father’s guilt for sin does not cling to a child or condemn them. In Christ, we stand before God by our own faith. We are accepted, loved, forgiven because of Christ, and our guilt is taken away. That is crucial. Now we have a place, a solid place, to stand as we faces these challenges.

Have you felt guilt, shame or burden in your relationship with God because of your parents lifestyle, behavior or attitude? Simply put, do you rehearse the talk with God when you apologize or explain your parents behaviors to God?

Failed Parents can still have Godly Children

Consider the amazing biblical record of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles about wicked kings and failing kings of Judah who had sons who turned out to be good kings.

• Asa did what was right, but his father, Abijah, was evil.
• Uzziah did what was right, but his father, Amaziah, failed in his old age.
• Hezekiah did what was right in God’s eyes, but his father, Ahaz, was evil.
• Josiah did what was right, but his father, Amon, did evil.

In other words, the Bible witnesses to the fact that in God’s world, many failed fathers have had righteous and useful sons. In fact, Jesus said,

“Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. . . . [Families] will be divided, father against son and son against father” Luke 12:51, 53

That’s what believing will sometimes do in families. Therefore, don’t be fatalistic. Don’t think, “Well, failed parenting always produces failed offspring, so there’s no hope for me.” No, that’s not what the Bible teaches.

Have you had challenges in your relationship with Christ (or other Christians) because of your own fatalistic ideas based on your family?

Christ breaks genealogical curses

Sin and dysfunction may have ruined families for generations, so much so that people can feel hopeless. “We’re just cursed”. Whether is is an addition, financial situation or lifestyles, many are rooted in the belief that how it was is the way it will always be. Many say “So many problems come into our family. We’re just cursed. There’s no hope for us. That’s why everything goes wrong in our family.”

Have you had the notion or challenges that your family upbringing will build the foundation of your relationship with God?

Christ is the great curse breaker because of what Paul said in Galatians 3:13: “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us.” Now, if Christ has set us free from the curse rendered by God in his law, how much more will he break every curse and every spell and every enchantment and every hex that may loom over your family for generations.

Sin taints view of God and Self

We need to remember, God assumes that all of us come to Christ with a defaced image of God and who he is and who Christ is. In other words, don’t think it’s unusual that, because of your distorted fathering or mothering or sonship, your view of God is distorted. That’s not unusual; it’s universal. Sin has ruined everybody’s view of God and self. Everybody comes to Christ with a distorted, dysfunctional, demeaning view of God. That’s what sin has done. We spend a lifetime trying to fix it, that is called “recovery”.

Which means that all of us must experience in our mind and in our heart a massive revolution in the way we think about God in all of his roles — all of us. Some people have one distortion of God; some people have another. And yes, our parents had something to do with that, and so did a lot of other things. The process of sanctification for every Christian is this:

“Beholding the glory of the Lord, [we all] are being transformed into [his likeness]” – 2 Corinthians 3:18

In other words, every Christian needs to have a Bible bath for every thought in our head. Every thought needs cleansing; every thought needs adjusting. Paul says it happens by looking, looking, looking to Christ and to God in Christ.

All of us need to fix your eyes on the way the Bible describes God as your Father, God as our Shepherd, God as our King, God as our Friend. And don’t think you are unusual because you must undergo such a revolution in your thinking. You’re not unusual; you’re normal.

Is your relationship growing with God, as father? Or is it just established and maybe even a bit stale? You know you have a heavenly Father, but no relationship? Like He lives several states away and you know you can call, but He just would not understand and you can deal with life on your own….

Healed and Scarred

Scarred, as in wounds that have healed, not scared. All of us have been lamed by past experiences — deep experiences of shame or rejection or abuse or trauma of all kinds. We can all probably remember a few horrific experiences when we were a child of being shamed — if not by our parents, by others, and sometimes by both.

We should have a realistic view that some of these wounds are like Jacob’s hip being put out of joint (Genesis 32:25). We will walk the rest of our lives with an emotional limp. This doesn’t mean we can’t have a deep, satisfying, loving walk with our heavenly Father through Jesus Christ. It just means we should be realistic. The healing of wounds can still leave scars, and even those, though they make us limp, can be turned to the glory of Christ.

Don’t feel like an outcast because of the scars of your life. They can be used to start conversations with those still not in a healing season.