It is difficult but it is reasonable to agree that we have a little bit of guilt, anger and greed, but jealousy has been removed a long time ago from our character. We don’t get in fights over another man’s girl, or so we hope. But at we go into chapter seventeen of Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley, we get the category of jealousy revealed in an informative way.
- Guilt says “I owe you”
- Anger says “You owe me”
- Greed says “I owe me”
Once we understand the dynamics of this final enemy, jealousy, we will be free to quit blaming everything and everybody for less than attractive behaviors that find their source in our heart.
When we think of jealousy, we think of the things others have that we lack – looks, talent, height, money, connections, and so on. This creates an attitude towards others because of what they have and what we don’t have. But we have learned, God could have fixed all of that. Whatever he’s given to our neighbor, he could have chosen to give us as well.
The real problem is not with the people that have the stuff or life we desire, it is actually a problem we have with God. When we are in denial of this concept, we ignore the root of the problem, and then build up resentment. We can only imagine the damaging consequences in having resentment with God.
In the book of James we are asked a simple question, but oh there are so many answers, or are there?
What causes fights and quarrels among you? – James 4:1
What are some of the desires that frustrate you? What just does not seem like it is fair? Have you ever caught yourself angry or resentful to God?
The real driving force behind jealousy is really the driving force behind every single relational struggle we will ever encounter in our life. It will be evident in every marital situation, employment situation, and rooted under the other three enemies as well. Why? Because God is involved in every aspect of our lives and when the enemies attack our heart, we know God is right there and we question why we are having a problem in the first place, if he was God, life would be different.
It is sad, but true. The people we hurt the most are the ones we claim to love the most. When we look at the entire verse of James 4:1, we are informed:
What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? – James 4:1 NLT
When we can no longer contain the conflict raging within us, it spills out on those closest to us, even if they are innocent bystanders. If you have ever been mad enough to hurt someone, it was because you were not getting what you wanted.
Can you describe various frustrations and challenges you have had recently, and identify the void in your life? The reason for your lack of satisfaction?
Appetites grow through indulgence – not neglect. Gluttons think about food just as much as starving people. – CS Lewis
The more we feed our desires, the more they will increase in intensity. Also, we have experienced and learned that our desires and pleasures are not best dealt with by continually trying to satisfy them. So what is the catch?
The issue in every quarrel is that each person did not or is not getting their own way. It might not be a possession thing. It might be how we were treated, or not treated. How others interacted with us, or took from us, or did not do for us. As long as these thoughts rage on inside of us, we have no peace. We have to get out of denial and acknowledge that we have expectations of ourselves and others and at the root of all our lack of peace is based on our jealousy. Not getting what we think we deserve. To get some help in this area of our life, the bible gives us some wise insight:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7 NIV
How many issues? How many complaints? All of them. When this happens we can live in faith at the Serenity Prayer states:
Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will;
Why?
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
Our tendency is to “hold on to out but’s”..
“I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but…”, “I know this may seem small, but…”, “I know I should be more mature than this, but…”
We need to realize that if something seems important to us, it is important to God. If it is a healthy reasonable desire, God wants us to have it. If it is an unhealthy desire, that is important to God as well. He wants us to have a pure and clean heart and be at peace, not in raging war within ourselves.
Once we have confessed to God that our root problem is that we are not getting our way, and once we have thoroughly and completely dumped our desires and anxiety on him, we will find it much easier to deal with the people in our life. Regardless of whether they ever give us recognition, love, respect or credit we deserve, we will find peace because we are no longer looking to these people to meet our needs that only God can meet.
God loves us too much to give us everything we ask for. He loves the people around us too much to give us everything we ask for. God is not going to finance our self-destructive search for meaning outside of him. He’s the source of all good things, not all wished-for things.
What are some of the things you desired or demanded in the past that God did not deliver to you for your best interest. In hindsight, what are some things you desired that would have caused pain and issues with those around you?
Every good thing that comes our way comes from our heavenly Father – which is all the more reason to take our unmet needs, our heartfelt desires, and even our embarrassing wants and wishes to him.
Next week we journey into chapter 19 and learn about the “Good Reason to Celebrate”